


Young God

by orphan_account, Paperadventures



Series: Tethered [4]
Category: DC Cinematic Universe, Suicide Squad (2016), The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Suicide Squad, Alternative Universe - FBI, Archaeologist!Lexa, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enchantress!Lexa, Eventual Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Eventual Romance, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Mentions of War, Minor Bellamy Blake, Minor Raven Reyes, Physical Abuse, Post-War, Protective Clarke Griffin, Sharing a Room, Smol bean!Lexa, agent!clarke, badass!clarke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-06 09:58:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8745802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paperadventures/pseuds/Paperadventures
Summary: “What is she?” Clarke asks slowly in a quiet and curious tone as her clear blue eyes stay fixed on the glass in front of her. Waller gazes over at the woman and then let's out a deep breath, her dark brown eyes following their way back to where Lexa is strapped in the small room in front of them. She gazes through the window and let's out a deep breath, not even sure how to begin to explain. "You're not going to believe me when I tell you, but I guess we have to start somewhere." Letting out a tired huff, she picks up a folder off the desk in front of them that is marked as top classified and she shoves it into the soldier's hands.OR; Enchantress/Handler AU





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, it's another one. Have fun and let us know what you think. :)

Nothing. It's all Lexa can see, feel, smell, and do, and that's exactly the way Amanda Waller, the director of the most classified sector of the Department of Defense likes it.

 

A month ago, she had no idea who the scrawny brunette was, but now as she sits on the other side of bullet proof glass watching the girl that is strapped to the table in the middle of a blacksite, she's the only thing on her mind.

 

When she had first gotten a call from the FBI claiming to have found something extraordinary, she wasn't expecting what they had brought her. She had assumed they meant a new bomb or spying technology, not an ancient myth resurrected from some old tomb.

 

At first she hadn't believed it, but when the girl, Lexa Woods, had been brought to a DOD blacksite in a drug-induced coma with what seemed like half of the goddamn military, Amanda has sure been more convinced. It wasn't until she really saw what happened with her own eyes that she could truly understand the power of what they were working with though.

 

As soon as the army men began trying to let the drugs fade off, Lexa would be stuck in a state between sleep and consciousness. Every time she would begin tossing and turning, then every time, the word “Enchantress” would pass by her lips in a shaky whisper and it's as though she would transform into something else entirely. She's got the face of an angel and the spirit of a demon.

 

Each time before the woman, or whatever she is anymore, has time to do any damage, they are once again filling Lexa’s body with enough drugs to sedate a rabid animal, and only then will the mien of darkness fade from around her and her regular exhausted body collapses back to where it had been pinned down.

 

Usually she would just bring in more reinforcements, but in this case, she doesn't want anyone to know about the girl. She doesn't want anyone to know the condition she's in right now either, where she's pinned in solitary confinement except for the minimal doctors that are allowed to visit and adjust her drug dosage or check on her.

 

Today though, Amanda is through simply keeping this girl in her coma. She plans to wake her up completely and to do this she's decided that she needs two things. For starters, she took the heart from the tomb where the woman was allegedly found so that is can hopefully be used to help control whatever entity they have, and two she has called in for one of the best soldiers she knows.

 

Sure, Clarke Griffin has had problems in the past, but she's brave and smart so she will need both qualities if she plans on lasting long with this assignment. Just as the thought comes to her mind, she gets a buzzing on the computer in front of her, reminding her that the soldier has been brought here, getting nothing but a classified document explaining she's needed for a very important duty.

 

Rumors have been speculated, but no one really knows the full story behind the brunette laying on the table besides the very few top government officials that had to be briefed to get her here, yet now they are about to open up this dangerous secret to someone else.

 

Amanda’s brown eyes gaze straight through the glass at the girl lying strapped to the bed on the other side of the glass. Her arms, legs, and throat each have a strap over them even though she's clearly not able to wake up from the trance they have put her in.

 

She has needles connected to IV fluids with the drugs that are feeding into her veins stuck in her wrist and monitoring wires pinned to her forehead and chest to detect any shift in consciousness, making her look like something of a science experiment.

 

Besides her underwear and a chest binder, she's bare of anything that might obstruct testing.

 

It doesn't look good and it sure doesn't look humane, but the girl laying on the table is far from human so she just clicks the button to allow Clarke to get escorted through the doors into the observation room.

 

 

“This is Amanda Waller. Let her in.”

 

 

\--

 

 

Clarke had just came back from Sri Lanka where she was fighting in the Counter Terrorism Operation when she got the call.

 

Literally.

 

She was still in her STF uniform, walking into her crappy apartment when her phone buzzed in her pocket and she answered the call with a “Griffin speaking” in a very tired, but professional voice. No one explained to her what the next mission would be – but that’s something she’s used to by now after years working for the Special Task Force, in the FBI.

 

They didn't give her much time to get ready either. She still has her large worn out backpack over her shoulder when she sees the black SVU parking on the street and the suited men waiting for her on the outside.

 

‘ _Fuck,_ ’ She thinks as she ends the call and takes a deep breath. She was really looking forward to finally take a hot shower, sleep in her bed and get some real food.

 

Plus, her hair is real gross.

 

Once the blonde is seated on the back of the car, she lets a long exhausted breath out, but she grateful for the air conditioner since Washington can get really hot in this time of the year.

 

There is a brownish folder on the seat and she goes through its contents, seeking more information beyond the ‘ _The DOD needs you, agent._ ’

 

There is nothing much on it, though. Just a few pages of her contract for this task, where she must sign in order to be a part of. Judging by the way it was drafted, she knows it’s something big.  

 

Looking through the window glass, she sees the silhouette of the city fading behind the car as they enter a rural area and suddenly she has no idea of where they are going.

 

She checks her phone, but she has no signal – _Of course_.

 

It takes two hours for them to finally stop by the DOD Blacksite.

 

Her back and shoulders hurt. There is also a constant pounding on the back of her head and her eyes burn with tiredness. Still, she is sharp and alert, taking in every information around her as she is escorted into the building.

 

Every door has a code and for you to enter, you must know the password. After 16 turns, 6 floors down, and 9 doors (she counted), she is led to the final room where a familiar voice run through the speaker.

_10 doors_

, and she is face to face with Amanda fucking Waller.

 

 

“Really?” Clarke says with a mild annoyed face as she lets her heavy pack hit the ground in a muffled thud. “Couldn’t have let me take at least one shower?” She crosses her arms over her chest before flicking her eyes around the room.

 

 

Waller practically snorts in distaste at Clarke's comment and chuckles dryly. "Trust me, Griffin. We all wish you could have showered first."

 

 

Everything seems normal, Clarke thinks, if not for the big ass box of glass with a girl strapped to a table.  That grabs the blonde agent attention. She tilts her head to the side as she steps closer, stopping by Amanda’s side.

 

The girl in the box seems frail. She is slim and bears no marks in her body. Her light brown hair is messy and wavy around her shoulders and her lips are slightly parted.

 

Despite the bony structure of the girl, she seems normal. Beautiful even. There is tons of needles connected to IVs and the agent wonders for a moment what the fuck is she doing there.

 

 

“ _What_ is she?” She asks slowly in a quiet and curious tone as her clear blue eyes stay fixed on the glass in front of her.

 

 

Waller gazes over at the woman and then let's out a deep breath, her dark brown eyes following their way back to where Lexa is strapped in the small room in front of them.

 

She gazes through the window and let's out a deep breath, not even sure how to begin to explain.

 

 

"You're not going to believe me when I tell you, but I guess we have to start somewhere." Letting out a tired huff, she picks up a folder off the desk in front of them that is marked as top classified and she shoves it into the soldier's hands.

 

 

In the folder is everything that they know about the enchantress. There are pictures from the tomb and pictures of the heart of the ancient body that was dug up that is now in a sealed case on the desk in front of them. It all seems like it could be a prank or some damn magic show, but Waller's face remains completely straight as she watches Clarke reading through a list of the woman's suspected powers.

 

Of course since this is a blacksite there is footage of everything and that includes the multiple times they have tried to allow Lexa to wake up and she has began to transform, or whatever you would call it. So pushed inside the back of the folder are photos of the same girl that is laying on the table except there her hair is darker and messier. Her eyes are completely dark and her skin is a murky dark color.

 

 

“What is she?” Amanda speaks up and raises her eyebrows, narrowing her eyes at the frail girl laying on the table. “That's the real question, isn't it?”

 

 

The woman nods her head as a doctor walks into the little room in front of them and just does a routine check on Lexa's vitals.

 

 

“That thing that you see,” Waller nods to the briefing packet in Clarke's hand. “That thing is in there.” She points to the girl on the table and doesn't seem to feel any guilt of concern for her, just curiosity.

 

 

“As of now, she's going to be your responsibility if you can handle her. Those pictures in the back of that folder were just a few weeks ago. Only a month before we first found her. When we try to wake her up she starts to transform when she is in a state of near consciousness. We think it is involuntary and I want you here because I want to inject her with adrenaline to wake her up instantly. If it doesn't work, then we are going to need you sure as hell.”

 

 

The contents of the folder are something Clarke had never seen. Magic? Really? She scoffs and frowns, but drinks on every information given to her. It takes a few minutes for the agent to go through everything – every description, every picture and every tape.

 

With pursed lips, she closes the document and sighs, glancing up at the strapped unconscious girl as she listens to Amanda. No matter how much she distastes the woman, Clarke respects the hierarchy and right then, the bitch is her boss.

 

It’s not that she doesn’t believe in what she’s read and saw. After all, they live in a world where aliens pay the Earth a visit every fucking weak – As if they don’t have earthy problems to solve. Her mind goes back to the war in India and she takes a deep breath, pushing the memories aside and focusing on her current mission.

 

She just doesn’t like it.

 

She is used to be in the field. To carry guns; to spy on terrorist agencies. To observe, learn, and kill if necessary.  This here, is another thing. And although she is curious as hell, she is no babysitter.

 

 

“So what, Amanda?” She turns to the dark skinned woman with a frown, tossing the fold onto a desk. She points at the girl inside the box and shakes her head. “You need to me to what?” She asks rudely – but that’s just who she is, really, and the Director knows it too well. “Sit around it, watch it and… Tame the thing?” She huffs and shuts her jaw shut hard, eyes flicking to the girl again.

 

 

She watches the doctors applying another shot of what must be some heavy drug to keep her unconscious and leaving the room again.

 

She really, really doesn’t like it.

 

She had tried to stay away from the tasks where she would be dealing with those alien things. Leave it to fucking superman to deal with this kind of shit.

 

 

Amanda isn't surprised by Clarke's attitude. The woman is a great soldier and amazing with a gun, but she's always had a bad attitude and it's just something that the director came to peace with years ago. She raises her eyebrows at the solider and doesn't seem phased by the snide remarks because she just huffs quietly.

 

 

“Maybe. It all depends on if she can control herself when she wakes up. Last time she was awake when we first found her she killed three of our men in seconds who tried to control her while the enchantress was in her.”

 

 

She watches the girl laying on the table and punches a code into the door so they can walk into the room with Lexa in it that they had been watching through the window.

 

Once Clarke enters, the doors close automatically and the nurse just gazes up at Amanda without saying anything.

 

The room smells like medicine and chemicals enough to make anyone light-headed and Waller just wrinkles up her nose.

 

 

“But your opinion on your job doesn't really matter because last time I checked you do what the hell I tell you. If I tell you to sit around with the DOD's little science project all day then that is what you will do, do you understand?”

 

 

Without waiting for a response, Waller speaks up to the nurse, requesting the head of the medical team and saying that it's urgent. Of course, the woman scurries off to go fetch the lead doctor and Amanda just gazes down at Lexa.

 

 

“We will have the doctor give her a few shots of pure adrenalin.” The woman speaks up without pity in her voice even though she knows that stuff is basically going to be shooting pure terror through the brunette's veins. If that is what they need to make her wake up instantly instead of slipping into the enchantress' mindset, then that is what they will do. “That should get her up again.”

 

 

Her eyes meet with Clarke and she looks at her seriously. “If she makes one wrong move when we get her up and you're watching her, then kill her. You understand? This doctor is going to sedate her again if anything goes wrong, but if you have to then shoot her. God knows if that will even affect the fucking thing at all.”

 

 

Clarke grits her teeth at Amanda’s command, but she takes a deep breath through her nose and masks her face into a neutral expression as the soldier in her takes place, and she nods.

 

The Director is right, though. The reason Clarke is a good agent is especially because she knows when to bow her head and follow the order. Yes, she is always going out of the tracks and improvising during her missions, but that’s because she has experience in her belt and knows what she is doing.

 

She still doesn’t like it, though. Especially when she is under Waller’s radar.

 

But she is soldier. And a damn good one.

 

 

Yet, she can’t help but to smirk and glance at Amanda after listening to the plan. “And are you sure you want to be in this side of the room when that happens?” She snarls and shakes her head.

 

 

With a ‘tsk’, she lets her eyes fall on the girl’s face. She looks peaceful, really. Nothing like a fucking demon or whatever the hell she actually is.

 

She also knows how much of a mess a pretty face can make.

 

Carefully, she steps close to the girl. Alexandria ‘Lexa’ Woods, as her file says. 23, archeologist. Single. Boston. No siblings. Parents deceased. Great grades. AB- blood type. No surgeries. Owns a black cat. No porn.

 

She is _normal,_ and it’s disconcerting how this girl in front of her could be the thing she saw in those tapes.

 

Timing is a bitch, she muses. Wrong place, wrong time and suddenly you have powers.

 

She ‘tsk’s again and steps back, shaking her head. It’s a fucked up new world the one they are living in now and she still has to make peace with the fact.


	2. Chapter 2

Amanda watches carefully as the blonde steps forward to look closer at Lexa. The girl has lost weight and the bags under her eyes look fucking horrible, making it clear that they should do something to get her out of the coma before she's damaged beyond repair. She takes notice of the way Clarke's eyes scan over the frail form and soft features of the girl's body as though she's trying to take in every detail.

"Don't let the pretty face fool you. She'll have you dead as soon as she takes a breath of the name Enchantress." Waller speaks up and sets her jaw, ignoring how snide the blonde is.

Just as asked, a minute passes and an older looking man in a white labcoat comes in and gazes over Clarke before extending his hand to Amanda to shake.

"Director. What can I do for you?" He speaks up in a formal tone and clears his throat.

Amanda doesn't waste time with small talk. She instantly nods to Lexa and speaks up. "I want her awake." The words make the doctor flinch and he seems to want to argue, but just rubs his forehead instead. "I want you to give her as much adrenaline as you can without killing her. I want her awake instantly so she doesn't have time to pass into what she has last time."

"We can't." He grumbles and sighs. "She's been knocked out for a month with her body slowing down. If you just inject adrenaline in her veins there is a chance, a large one, she might not be able to handle it so instead of waking up she will just have a seizure and we don't know how that brain activity will affect her or her powers."

Amanda listens but she cuts the man off with the raise of her hand. "You're a doctor. If she has a seizure you can fix her. I want her awake now. Check those confines too." She murmurs absently and walks to the corner of the room, not quite out but far enough away that if something goes wrong she isn't the first one hit.

On her phone she orders for an increase in security on their level just incase and she gazes at Clarke. "No one can know about this or about her. I mean it, Griffin. If you think she's about to do something then shoot her."

There are some questions going through Clarke’s mind, but as a good agent, she knows that there are things she can’t just ask. Still, she frowns at the Amanda’s urgency at getting the girl out of her coma and awake soon. Nothing is ever simple with the woman and she knows that there must be a hidden agenda. There must be a reason of why the Director needs the girl awake this instant.

The agent’s hand goes to her holster by her hip and she takes her pistol out in silence, taking place on the end of the bed. She waits until the doctor – who is still murmuring under his breath, clearly against the idea of shooting adrenaline through the girl’s veins – applies the needle in her arm and step aside. It takes a second, really, and soon Clarke is raising her gun, aiming for Lexa’s head as the girl takes her first large breath and… 

 

As soon as Lexa begins to slowly shift back into consciousness, the first thing she feels is pain. It feels like there's fire in her veins and she's about to get burned alive, so she instantly feels her eyes jerk open and her body's first response is to flail and try to fight against the straps that are holding her down as she cries out loudly. 

Clarke swallows hard, frowning at that, noticing the tears streaming down the girl’s face as she tries to move.

She was waiting for the thing to appear. She was waiting for the girl to turn into the murky monster; for her to have to tame it down and give it a headshot and be done with the whole thing. Maybe then she would be able to finally sleep in her bed.

But nothing happens. Lexa cries and trembles and looks like she is lost. Like she doesn’t quite understand what is happening or why she is strapped down with a stranger pointing a gun to her head.

The thought makes Clarke lower her pistol and step closer very, very slowly.

“Alexandria?” She asks, noticing how the machine blips loudly, indicating just how wildly the girl’s heart is beating. “It’s okay. You are okay.” She says softly, in a soothing way, putting her gun back into her holster and raising her hands up in surrender.

Clarke glances quickly at where Amanda is, tipping her head down in a single nod before flicking her eyes back to a very sweaty Lexa.

Amanda stays back and seems satisfied, just nodding back slowly at Clarke.

 

\--

 

The brunette keeps yelling wildly and tears are streaming down her face and she's so fucking terrified. She doesn't understand why she's strapped down and unable to move. She doesn't understand why there is a woman pointing a gun at her.

All she knows is that she's fucking terrified of blacking out like she has the last several times, because it's not what she wants.

After what feels like a year of fucking torture, the blonde girl by the side of her bed slowly steps closer and Lexa fights so violently that she is choking herself on the straps as she tries to pull away.

"Stop! Please stop!" Are the first real words that leave Lexa's mouth, but she's still lost in the adrenaline panic.

"I'm so scared, please help me." Her voice drops to a whisper and her body shakes and trembles but it's not clear if that is from all the drugs in her system or just her fear.

Her screaming tapers off into sobs and she wants to look around the room but her neck is strapped down so she is completely limited. "Why are you doing this to me? Please help me."

Clarke is torn between reaching for the girl or standing back, unsure of how to proceed.

This is new waters and she has no experience dealing with this kind of thing. Her instincts tell her to just go with it, to step closer and hold Lexa’s hand and sooth her until the cries and pain fade.

She stays in her place, though, working her jaw and alert to every possible change. But one minute goes by, then five, then fifteen and the girl is still whimpering with her quivering lip, blinking as the tears runs down by the corner of her eyes. 

A glance to Amanda is all she needs to finally relax her muscles enough to approach Lexa and reach for her sweaty warm hand – Too warm for Clarke’s liking and the agent frowns at that. The girl looks like she is going down with a fever.

“Lexa,” She tries the nickname, aiming for some familiarity and intimacy to calm the girl down. Her touch is gentle, although she knows how calloused and scratchy her hand is. “Can you tell me your whole name?” She requests, but the girl doesn’t seem to be able to hear her – as if she was pushed into a state of shock by the fear and the drugs.

Clarke sighs frustrated by that, but squeezes the hand in support before glancing to the doctor who is still on the other side of the room looking tense and possibly afraid. “Well, do something about this, asshole.” She commands before turning back to Lexa and placing her other hand over the girl’s forehead, pushing away some of the hair that was sticking to it. “She is too warm,” She mumbles once the doctor finally steps close to administer the IVs on her forearm.

Flicking her eyes to Amanda, Clarke tilts her chin up. “What now?” She asks in a more calm tone, waiting for some guide or order.

Amanda sighs and runs her fingers through her curly hair, seeming relived that the girl on that table has remained just that... A girl. She hasn't turned into some monster, she's just left there tense with tears running down her face. Her eyes follow Clarke and how the girl seems to have changed her stance to be one more of concern than fighting and that satisfies the director.

"Have we gained your interest now?" She ask dryly and focuses her eyes on the blonde instead of Lexa who now has the doctor furiously trying to get her heartbeat to slow down and go back to normal because at this rate she's going to give herself a heart attack. "Now you stay here until we can run some test while she's awake. Then tonight we will sedate her again and you can come back in the morning and we will run more."

Amanda sounds confident, but the doctor's sharp voice cuts in. "No. You can't keep sedating her then shooting her with adrenaline to wake her up. She's not going to last one more time before you kill her unless you give her body time to stay awake and process the drugs we are giving her."

This comment makes Waller's eyes narrow but she needs Lexa alive so she considers. "Fine. Then Clarke, you're in charge of her. We will keep her awake for what? A day? Two?" She presses but the doctor just shakes his head.

"We won't know until we have seen her body start to process everything." He insist and remains just as stubborn as Waller.

The dark skinned woman gazes over at Clarke. "I'll try to get a room secured for you two upstairs where you can sit down and eat something. First she needs to wake up though and you need to have enough control of her to get her there."

As the doctor works on Lexa, Clarke steps back and crosses her arms as always in her usual stance. Her eyes follows Amanda, who slowly steps out of the corner. The agent has to hold back a scoff at how fucking coward the Director looks like, but manages to keep a neutral face. That is, until she hears the brief exchange between her and the man.

At the new order, Clarke rolls her eyes and lets out a tired huff as she runs her hands through her  _ still very gross _ hair in a frustrated way. She knows she is not in her best behavior, but  _ excuse _ the girl for a moment – Just  _ yesterday _ she was in the middle of a fucking civil war in the middle fucking India. She needs a break.

The furious blipping in the machine fades down into a steady normal sound and the agent glances down at the girl who now blinks slowly, keeping her eyes up in the ceiling – not that she has much of a choice – But she has stopped crying. Her fingers still trembles slightly, but overall, she seems better. 

Clarke takes one deep breath. Then another. She counts to 10 five times and pulls out the thin silver chain that hangs around her neck from under her shirt, gripping on the STF pendant hard before nodding in agreement.

_ You are a fucking soldier. Get a grip, Griffin. _

At least she was going to get a bed. And food. And hopefully a hot shower if God is on her side.

“If I’m going to babysit the… Her, I’m going to need at least a fucking beer. Freezing.” She knows she is pushing, but she also knows she is going to get what she wants. “And I’m keeping my guns. Don’t want any of that shit you guys started using around.” She mumbles out, pursing her lips as she recalls the rumors about the faulty triggers that went around last month and she shakes her head. 

Waller rolls her eyes at Clarke's comment but she isn't surprised. She knew what she was signing up for when she sent a special request for Clarke Griffin. She knows that this woman is smart and can make split second decisions and that's what she needs in a soldier for a case like this.

She stares straight into Clarke's eyes and picks up her cellphone. "Yes, hello. It's Waller. I need one of the guest rooms on the bottom level prepared. Yes, for the girl. And for Clarke Griffin." She pauses for a moment as the person on the other end of the line goes on speaking about security measures that will be taken and how much time they will need. "Thank you." The dark haired woman speaks up and then pauses. "And please put food and a few beers in the fridge." She rolls her eyes at herself as she agrees to Clarke's conditions and then just lets out a sigh as she sees the brunette on the table waking up again and squirming quietly.

"Keep your gun. You might need it." She mutters and waves off the doctor to leave the room because if something happens, they still need him safe to help analyze information.

"Waller, you might want to see this." The doctor gazes at the director and points to some medical information that they are apparently collecting. The woman gazes over at Clarke and raises her eyebrows, as though asking if everything is okay, but then walks into the other room. "There are reinforcements outside the door if you need them."

Clarke knows when she is being dismissed.

She nods at Amanda when the woman informs her about the reinforcements outside the door and watches her she leaves, following the doctor through the door. Some tension from her shoulder leaves with the two of them and the soldier purses her lips annoyed at being left without an information about how long they are going to be the shitty creepy smelly room.

_ ‘Suck it up, Clarke.’  _ Raven would say before laughing loudly at her situation.

The memory of the girl makes Clarke chuckle throatily and quietly as she grabs a chair and drags it by Lexa’s bed. Pulling out her gun, the agent rests both her elbows over her thighs and fixes her eyes on the strapped girl.

She feels exhausted and worn out, but she has a job.

From inside the small space where the soldier and Lexa are left, it just looks like four regular walls around them, but Clarke already knows they are being watched in a thousand ways.

Everything is quiet for a moment but then Lexa speaks up in her quiet, shaky tone. "Help me. Please." She doesn't know what she expects the blonde to do, but all she knows is that her body hurts and her mind is screaming and she needs help.

“Hey,” Clarke stands up so Lexa can see her face, and she makes sure to keep the gun out of her sight. She wants to touch the girl’s forehead again to make sure she is indeed better, but it feels wrong to be touching her like that without permission.

Once she has Lexa’s eyes on her, she tries to give a smile. – It’s more like a grimace, but still. She is trying. 

“You are safe,” She says, but she can feel the lie burning her tongue. She can’t be sure about what exactly they are going to do with the girl, but at least, for now, she  _ is _ safe. “I’m Clarke,” She tries the smile things again and hopes she is doing a better job this second time. “Can you tell me your name?” She wants to make sure Lexa is aware of her surroundings; if she has her memory or at least knows who she is.

When Clarke speaks up, Lexa feels so fucking helpless because she can't do anything except just lay there strapped down on this table. She feels like some sort of experiment and it makes her tremble when she tries to sit up, only to hurt her throat by pulling against the straps.

The way the blonde speaks to her helps her relax slightly, but she's still confined with a soldier standing above her and needles stuck into her arms and chest.

"My name is Alexandria Grace Woods." She chokes out quietly and feels her lip trembling. The smile that the woman gives her seems fake, but she figures it's better than nothing. She twist her wrist in their confines and tries to pull them out, but they won't budge. "I don't handle confinement and small spaces well. I need to get out. Why can't I get out?"

The panic rises in Lexa's voice and she tries to calm herself before something can go wrong again. Her body stings from the chemicals in it and she just sobs. "Why are they doing this to me? Why are these people hurting me?" It's clear that Lexa doesn't remember the time that she was possessed and she's fucking terrified because she doesn't understand why or what is happened.

She gazes down at herself to see her mostly bare body and she can't find any injuries that would suggest she's in a hospital or somewhere of the sort. "Please, Clarke."

Clarke grimaces again at the sight of the girl struggling and at the new information about her not dealing very well with confinement and small spaces. The agent pinches the bridge of her nose for a moment and she wonders if there is a chance that she is somehow being played by Lexa. Her guts say no, though, so she trusts her instincts. Plus, the girl really sounds genuine and apparently she has no idea of what is happening or why she is tied down.

“I’m going to hold your hand, Lexa. Is that alright?” She asks and once she sees a small consenting nod, she touches the girl’s fingers, slipping hers over them before holding the hand in a firm but gentle way.

She doesn’t know how much she can tell her, so she tries to work with what she’s got. She rubs her thumb over the delicate knuckles and makes sure to lock her eyes with the green ones as she speaks.

“Something bad happened to you, and I’m here to keep you safe. I’m sorry it hurts, but it’s for your own sake. The pain will fade soon enough, trust me.” She keeps her voice quiet, firm and constant. Trying to ground the girl and keep her away from the panic of being strapped. “I know it’s uncomfortable, I know everything is confusing right now, but hold on for a few more minutes and I will be getting you out of these, alright?” She squeezes Lexa’s hand and nods slowly at the girl with raised eyebrows. “Just hold tight, and you can grip on my hand if the pain is too much.” She tries the smile again and finds it easier do it this time. “Again, I’m sorry it hurts,” She says honestly.

As soon as Clarke's fingers intertwine with hers, Lexa squeezes on them tightly and seems to calm down a little bit. That is the first true human contact she's had in a month. Any other attention she's been getting is from the doctors, but it's never kind comfort, it's always just more needles and monitoring wires. Just the simple contact of Clarke holding her hand and assuring her gently helps her to calm herself and for her body to ease some of its trembling.

"Thank you." She whispers and tries to calm her body. Every time she tenses and tries to pull against the bounds, she feels more trapped and her throat gets tighter so she decides that her best option is just trying to calm down and make her body relax.

It goes against all her instincts, but she manages to just lay there staring up at the ceiling taking deep breaths through her nose without thrashing against the straps that hold her down.

She realizes how Clarke seems to relax and this helps her also. The small smile on the woman's lips seems much more believable this time and she squeezes her hand.

In Lexa's mind, she tries to go back through all her memories to remember what happened but it's all blurry. She just has flashes of memories and it scares her.

"I remember everything until I went to go out for work. I was in a forest looking for artifacts and I found something but I can't remember anything else."

Lexa has bags under her eyes and her skin is pale with beads of sweat forming on her hairline like she's focusing really hard to try to recall everything.

A dash of familiarity comes to her and it practically makes her flinch because the moment of recognition is full of pain and blood but she's not sure if it's her own or someone else's.

"I think I hurt someone." Her voice trembles and she gazes to the side to meet Clarke's eyes. "Everything is blurry but I feel like I hurt people. Is that why I'm here?" She's confused and unsure because she doesn't remember starting to come back to consciousness a few weeks ago as the enchantress and killing the three soldiers who were sent to try to apprehend her.

Her eyes are full of fear and confusion but she just keeps gripping Clarke's hand tightly but just a moment after her frail question, the director is walking back in and leaving the door open behind her where there are guards with their guns lining the hall outside of their tiny room.

The doctor's reports had shown the way that Lexa's brain reacts when she's woken up normally, versus when she drifts in an in between and ends up subconsciously calling for the spirit that has possessed her. It makes them believe that as long as Lexa is being constantly monitored, they should be able to be kept in her regular form by keeping her conscious of her actions.

Lexa squeezes tightly on the blonde's hand when the new people enter but she stays quiet except for a soft whimper.

"Take her out." Waller orders to Clarke and sighs. "Take out her IV's. You two are going downstairs."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, Paperadventures and Lexark back again! So we warned you in the beginning of this story that it was pretty low on our update priority list because we already have several that we are writing, but we are hopefully going to get more active with updating this one and the other stories aside from our main one. We appreciate the support on this and hope you are all enjoying! Remember to click on Kudos if you enjoyed and give us your thoughts in the comments because they always make our day!

The doctor steps close to Lexa at Waller’s orders, but Clarke shakes her head and raises her hand to stop him. She doesn’t want to the girl to feel watched and handled by those people who apparently treat her like a science project.

She is still processing what Lexa said to her, but she hasn’t had the time to actually think of a reply. She still doesn’t know what she can or cannot tell her. But if the girl is finally having some memories of what happened, well, she won’t deny the truth.

With her soft gaze, Clarke squeezes at Lexa’s hand again to have her attention back to her. “I’m going to untie you, alright?” She warns her as she works on the straps, freeing the girl’s head, neck and wrists first, noticing angry marks on the pale skin.

She doesn’t comment on it, though. She has seen enough torture in her 25 years to know that sometimes things like that can be effective for the greater good.

Sometimes it isn’t.

As she finally frees the girl from every strap, Clarke offers her hand to her again, helping her sit up slowly. Letting her adjust to the new position.

 

Lexa feels a relief that's bigger than she can describe and let's out a shaky breath. She feels sore and stiff which makes sense since she hasn't moved much for an entire month. Standing hurts like hell and she has to focus on not falling to the ground as a wave of dizziness washes over her. She clutches on to the blonde tightly and feels her lip quivering with the happiness of being helped and for the first time in so long.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to a cold beer.” The soldier comments with a playful smirk on her face, raising an eyebrow at Lexa as she holds the girl firmly, helping her out of the table before grabbing her IV’s.  

 

Lexa stands there leaning heavily into the blonde and takes a deep breath. She still feels bare and exposed and hurt, but now at least she seems to have one person on her side. At Clarke's gentle joking, she leans her head down on her shoulder and just nods quietly.

The soldier chuckles quietly and rubs her hand on the girl’s back, helping her up and anchoring her, holding her to make sure she won’t slip down.

"Let me get the IV's." The doctor murmurs quietly and steps forward to Lexa as the girl clutches on to Clarke. "Relax please." Is the only thing he says to the brunette before slowly pulling off the tape and the needles that are pressed into her skin.

His eyes turn to focus on Clarke once they have all been withdrawn. "If she starts to have problems breathing or having spasms then she's going through withdrawal and you need to call for me immediately so we can put her back on the medication, do you understand? I'm not sure she will be able to handle solid food either, but she can try some if she wants it."

 

Clarke frowns and her easiness slips away at the doctor’s orders, but she understand what he is asking of her; so she nods once, firmly, before flicking her eyes to where Amanda is.

 

It’s not that she doesn’t know how to deal with drug withdrawals. She knows too well the process, although she doesn’t know if, biologically, this girl will react different. She imagines the doctor isn’t sure either.

With that, she nods at Waller and the woman gazes between the soldier and Lexa, seeming uneasy being in a room with the girl now that she's free.

"Bring her down the hall. The soldiers will direct you."

Judging by the way Waller is standing in the room, Clarke know how uncomfortable the woman is now that Lexa is up and awake. Amanda likes power, likes to be in control. And she loves herself too fucking much to get all tensed up at the prospect of Lexa turning into… Whatever the fuck possessed her in that tomb.

Her blue eyes bore into the Director’s for a moment after her command and she purses her lips, knowing too well that the hall is full of heavy armed soldiers and how it might affect the already frightened archeologist.

She doesn’t argue, though. She just wants to get the fuck away from Waller and to be in a room where Lexa will be able to relax and be herself.

So they walk, step by step, slowly. The girl gripping on her tightly as her legs trembles. And the soldier muses for a moment if it would be okay to just swipe the girl up and carry her bridal style to the room. She doesn’t do it, though.

Just before they reach the door that will lead them to the hall, Clarke stops them and turns to Lexa. “Don’t mind what you will see outside, alright?” She says squeezing the girl’s hand before the door slides open and they step out. 

 

Lexa hates how unsteady she feels but she wants to get out of this claustrophobic little room before she goes crazy. She wants to be away from all the people who she doesn't trust. Of course, when she considers, she doesn't really have a reason to trust this soldier, but she's the one person who has treated her like a human and so she just holds to her and nods her head.

As soon as the door opens though, she just stops for a minute and pulls back against Clarke's grip out of fear. "No." She chokes out quickly but Clarke's grip is strong and keeps her close and steady, slowly pulling her forward.

Lining the halls are soldiers that are all holding rifles, and while the weapons are not pointed at her, they are clearly there in case she tries to pull some trick. She doesn't know why the hell there are so many of them or why she's in whatever place this is, but all she knows is that something doesn't feel right inside of her. Her memories are blurred and her body aches. She just wants answers.

She tries to walk quickly so that they are out of this place as soon as possible, but they have to turn several times and head down a flight of stairs before the lines of men finally end and they are cut off at a big door.

"Griffin. Here." One of the soldiers by the entrance hands her a key for the room so that she can unlock it, both from the inside and the outside. Before the woman can go in though, he speaks up again. The whole time Lexa's face is buried into Clarke's shoulder like she's trying to convince herself this is all a dream.

"How many of us do you want left out here for reinforcements? Waller said it's up to you."

Clarke works her jaw hard at the question and she takes a moment to consider it as she twirls the key between her thumb and index finger.

She glances down to the girl who has her face buried into her shoulder before glancing up at the line of soldiers in position. She has to make a quick and smart choice, considering that while Lexa is somehow magically possessed by some _ thing,  _ she is still just a girl.

“Two by the door. Four in the hall. And if the doctor wants to come in the room, he will have to be alone.” She informs the Blake soldier, by the name on his uniform. Before she can go ahead and unlock the door, she turns to him again and makes sure to look into his brown eyes. “And Blake, don’t shoot to kill if comes to it. Make the rest know.” They share a nod and she pulls back, finally opening the door and stepping inside with Lexa by her side.

She doesn’t lock the door, though. She doesn’t want the girl to feel caged.

Quickly, she looks around the room. It’s not big, but it not small either. It’s large enough for the both of them to have some privacy, with two bed on opposite sides, a door leading to a bathroom, a small empty desk, a TV and a mini fridge. No windows, though, and the agent sighs. At least there is air conditioner.

Choosing the bed closer to the bathroom – in case of withdrawals crises, Clarke guides Lexa to sit down there carefully, and once the girl is safely seated, she pushes the brown hair out of her face without thinking twice, catching the girl’s attention.

“Don’t get me wrong, but you need a shower.” She says with the same playful smile on her face, tapping her finger on her nose before pulling back and standing up. “I’m going to see if we have everything we need in there and, ah…” She looks around, noticing that there isn’t a bag or clothes for the girl to use and she grimaces at that. “I think you will be borrowing some of my clothes.”

 

Sitting down on the bed feels good, especially when she can take the blanket to wrap around herself to try to cover up her bareness. Lexa isn't a confident person, and walking around in her underwear with minimal covering over her breast makes her feel even worse and less protected. She just wants answers. She needs them.

Clarke frowns and shakes her head before stepping into the bathroom to quickly check if they have towels, toilet paper, soaps, toothbrush and toothpaste. Once she knows everything is there, she comes back to the room and offers Lexa a hand.

“Come on.”

Lexa manages to give the woman a little smile when she hears the words and she holds the agent so she can get support in walking to the bathroom, still not understanding why she feels so damn weak.

"Clothes sound really good." She replies quietly and gazes around the small bathroom space, satisfied to have a hot shower because it feels like it's been forever.

Her green eyes catch on her own reflection in the mirror and she realizes just how shitty she looks. She has red marks on her arms and chest from where the drugs had been injected and she has dark bags under her eyes. Her skin is so pale it even makes her uncomfortable to be in it so she has to look away.

 

Clarke follows Lexa’s gaze to the mirror and she catches the discomfort on the girl’s face before she can look away. She’s made sure not to look at the bare body of hers this whole time, looking only at Lexa’s face and eyes since she stepped in the box where she was strapped down.

That is, until this moment with the girl’s whole body reflected on the huge ass – and completely unnecessary – mirror on the wall.

"I have a lot of questions." The brunette starts to speak in a shaky voice. "And I really need some answers. I know that whatever is going on must be bad, but I just need to know." Her stomach churns and she lets out a deep breath. "Can I have some privacy to bathe and then we can talk when I come out?"

Lexa’s voice catches the soldier's attention and Clarke nods at her before stepping back, but not letting go of her arm just in case.

“Can’t promise to answer everything, but I will try.” She says as she carefully let go of Lexa, making sure the girl is steady enough to be on her own. “I will be out there. If you need something, feel sick or if you fall, don’t hesitate on calling me, alright?” She says serious and only steps out of the bathroom when Lexa nods at her.

After leaving the bathroom, Clarke lets out a long breath. Her back and shoulders hurts and now that the adrenaline is finally wearing off, everything seems heavier and painful.

With a groan, she stretches her arms and unbuttons the jacket of her uniform, taking it off and staying with her tank top before sitting on her bed and pulling her boots off as well with a relieved sigh.  She then takes her holster off, placing it over the nightstand. She muses for a moment if it would be better to just carry the gun with her the whole time, but she really doesn’t want Lexa to feel uncomfortable inside the room.

Soon she can hear the sound of the shower going off and Clarke runs her hand through her hair. She is smelly as fuck. With a tsk, she goes over the fridge, grabs a cold  beer and takes the lid off with her teeth before drinking the cold liquid eagerly with a hum.

Her scars are in display now that she doesn’t have her uniform covering her shoulders and arms. There is also her tattoos and the bruises that are still healing from her last mission and she touches her STF pendant that hangs around her neck. She can almost hear Raven’s laugh echoing from afar. She can almost see the bomb hitting their camp again; the cries of despair; the pieces of body flying over her head; the hurt in her ear; the blood; the dust and the blackness.

 

\--

Lexa lets out a deep breath when she's finally alone in the bathroom. She notices there is no way to lock the door from the inside but she ignores it and goes over to the bath and shower duo.

She's sore as fuck so she turns the bath on as warm as goes and while the tub fills up, she strips off her minimal clothing until she's left with nothing. Her body is instantly cold from the air conditioning so she is quick to climb into the hot water, feeling how her unsteady body stings and protest when she moves by herself. On the other hand, when she finally relaxes in the tub and turns off the water, it is a relief.

Her hair and skin feels greasy and dirty so she's quick to grab the shampoo so she can scrub it into her hair, taking her time to enjoy the quiet of the moment and how calming it feels. She rinses the soap out and puts conditioner in next then cleans her body and face, feeling how tender her skin is when she presses where the needles had been. She wonders how long she had been kept in that little room.

She leans back against the cold wall and swallows hard. Her mind wanders through a thousand horrible scenarios about everything that she can't remember. She considers what she could have done, or what others might have done to her and it makes her hands tremble.

She rinses the conditioner from her hair and then just sits quietly, but her not having anything on her mind isn't a good thing because it allows her thoughts to wander and pretty soon it ends in her crying. Gentle sobs wrack through her body and she just covers her face and cries gently to herself since this is apparently the only place she has privacy. Even so, what she doesn't realize are the walls are extremely thin and Clarke can hear how she breaks apart quietly.

When several minutes have passed and she's gotten some control of herself she just slowly gets up and walks with shaky legs to grab a towel from the wrack.

She dries herself without much thought and then wraps the towel around herself and tries to look more composed than she is before walking out of the bathroom. She holds it tightly around herself so it doesn't fall and then looks up at Clarke with her tired pale eyes, clearly just looking for a reprieve. 

She's taken aback to see the woman without her jacket on but she isn't exactly in a place to comment so she remains quiet for a second, just taking in the woman's body and extensive reddish scars before she realizes she has just been standing there staring and creating a puddle on the wooden floor.

"Uhm, can I have clothes to wear? Please?" She swallows hard and wipes her eyes again.

Clarke flinches when Lexa’s voice cuts the silence, but she doesn’t let it show. She stays with her back to the girl, finishes her beer in long gulps and places the empty bottle down before walking to where her bag is. Someone at Waller’s command probably brought it to the room without her knowing.

“I don’t have much,” She says as she sits down on her bed and unzips the large bag. It smells like gunpowder and dust and blood and she has to stop for a second when her hands find some pictures of her base and the friends she’s made there. She tenses up before she sighs and clears her throat. Most of her clothes are worn out or filthy, but she is able to find a large navy blue t-shirt with ‘FBI’ in big yellow letters on the back and a grey sweatpants, and she hands it over to Lexa. “Those are clean. It probably smells like my cologne, though.” She grimaces.

Despite the situation, Clarke is not bothered by the fact that they would be sharing a room for who knows how long. It’s an upgrade from the last place she was settled and she won’t be complaining. Especially because there is beer and a good, soft bed.

_ Mostly because of the beer. _

She goes through her stuff again, pulling out a grey FBI shirt as well, much like the one she has let Lexa borrow, but with the letters in black; a black soccer shorts and her boxers.  

“I will let you change,” She says as she gets up. “If you want something else to wear, feel free to go into my bag.” She reaches for the gun on her nightstand (she doesn’t trust the girl to be alone with  _ her _ gun) and turns to Lexa, keeping her eyes on the girl’s face – not wanting her to feel uncomfortable or more vulnerable than she already is.

When she reaches the bathroom, she turns to her again. “And Lexa, if you need anything, just knock or call me. I mean it. I’m here to assist you.” She says and after a small nod exchanged, she closes the door.

The bathroom smells nice and as she gets out of her clothes, she feels tempted to take a bath. It would do wonders for her to lay there and take a nap. Instead, she turns the shower on and steps in, letting out a long sigh when the hot water hits her sore shoulders. 

 

\--

Lexa lets out a deep breath and relaxes a little bit when Clarke says she's going to the bathroom to let her change. Even the woman grabbing her gun doesn't ruin her mood, she's just so damn relieved to have clothes again.

It seems like such a simple thing but in this situation it's giving her back some of her humanity, so as soon as the woman goes into the bathroom she nods her head and let's out a deep breath of relief, then lets her towel drop to the ground so she can take the clothes and pull them on.

She doesn't worry about a bra or underwear because right now all she can think about it how she's cold and confused and just wants to cuddle up in the bed and get answers, so that's what she does.

She lets out a deep breath and walks over to her bed so that she can crawl into it and tuck herself under the covers while her back leans against the headboard. She internally finds herself wondering about Clarke and the things the woman must have done to get those scars. She tries to push the thoughts away though because there are much more important things on her mind.

One of the first things she has to think about is food because she's hungry as fuck and her stomach feels completely empty. Even though she knows there is food in the fridge, she doesn't feel like it's okay for her to eat it so she just remains sitting quietly and waiting for the blonde to get out of the shower so that she can talk to her and hopefully put her mind to rest for a little while.

\--

 

It takes the agent a few minutes to wash herself – and her hair,  _ fucking finally _ – before she is out of the shower and pulling her clothes on. She really doesn’t want Lexa to be all alone for much longer, so she puts her gun on her back, between her skin and the hem of her shorts, and steps out of the bathroom with a towel, still drying her hair.

Her eyes find the girl on the bed, tucked and quiet, with a longing look in her face. She also looks tired and sleepy, and she can associate with that. In silence, she places the towel by the chair and sits down in her bed. She feels like sleeping for hours, but she also knows they need to eat something before doing that.

So she grabs the remote and turns the tv on before going to the fridge, pulling a frozen pizza from it, plus a couple of beer cans and placing them over the little empty desk. There is a shitty microwave on top of the fridge and she uses it to heat the pizza for them. Her eyes roam around the room, but she doesn’t find any plates or cups.

_ Of course,  _ she thinks with pursed lips.

The silence is welcomed and not awkward at all. They are both too tired to make it uncomfortable anyway, and Clarke is glad for it.

Once the pizza is heated and placed on the desk, the agent pulls two chairs and turns to Lexa with a tired, small, but honest smile. “Care to join me?”

Everything feels very strange to Lexa for a moment because it doesn't seem like she is locked in some testing facility. It just feels like getting takeout like any other normal night.

The illusion is broken though when Clarke invites her to come to the table and when she tries to stand up again, her legs give out under her and she has to clutch to the side of the bed. Instantly she sees Clarke standing up to help her but she's always been independent so she shakes her head and just remains leaning heavily into the bed.

 

It’s a hard thing for Clarke to see someone failing or in pain and not being able to help. It’s one of the things that make her a good agent. She remembers her mother telling her, encouraging her to pursue medicine. ‘ _You should go to Med school. You are so smart and you care_ _so much’_ , she would say.

"I'm okay. Just give me a second and I'll be okay." She whispers quietly and sets her jaw hard, forcing her body to gather its strength so that she can slowly stand up straight.

When her body finally obeys, she lets out a soft breath of relief and slowly straightens herself out so she can walk over to the table in shaky strides. It seems like all the muscle has degraded from her laying down for so long and her eyebrows furrow into a frown but she doesn't speak at first, only reaching to sit down in her chair and then taking a big slice of pizza and biting into it greedily.

 

The blonde girl doesn’t relax until Lexa is seated on the chair, taking a slide of the pizza and ravishing it eagerly; making the corner of the agent’s mouth to turn up in amusement – She gets it too.

"I'm starving." The brunette murmurs gently as she swallows the first bite and goes in for another. The doctor's words about her not being able to handle real food nag at her but she rather eat now and throw it up later than not eat at all. After a few minutes go by and she's finished her first slice and began working on her second, she takes a break to relax for a second as though she's realizes she doesn't have to rush. No one is going to come take her away. She's safe for tonight.

 

They eat quietly. Clarke respects the girl’s space and she isn’t much of talking herself. So she focuses on how good it is to finally be able to eat something so normal as a pizza, but fuck, it’s been too long.

The Sri Lanka Special Task Force needed more soldiers, especially ones with Clarke’s abilities. So the US send a small trope with twenty experienced soldiers to help them out, as the civil war started to thrive. She stayed there for a year and a half until their unit was bombarded; six were killed, the rest were too injured to stay. She lost almost all of her hearing from the right ear, but she was the only one who got out with all of her limbs intact.

"How long did they keep me like that?" Is the first question that comes out of the brunette's mouth. "And why? Please tell me why." Lexa looks so exhausted and desperate as the pleads with the soldier and all she wants is answers so she doesn't feel like she's going insane.

Lexa’s voice brings Clarke back to the present and she opens her beer can before sipping at it, taking some time to choose her words carefully.

“A month, I guess.” She says honestly. The file says 26 days, but with Waller you never know for sure. She then looks up to meet Lexa’s eyes as she answers the next question. “You are here because you killed a lot of people.” 

Lexa stays quiet, needing to know what's going on and she sets the pizza on the napkin. Based on the way she's aching, she's not surprised to know that she was set there on the table for a month but the next words that come out of Clarke's mouth make Lexa choke.

"No, that's not right." Lexa's throat is so tight that her voice comes out as a little squeak and she swallows hard. It's heartbreaking because she looks so upset and confused and it's clear that she doesn't know how to make peace with not remembering her own actions. "I would never hurt someone. I've never shot a gun or owned a knife or anything. You made a mistake."

As convicted as words are, there is still a small part of Lexa that wonders, though. She wonders about the flashes of memories where all she can smell is blood and all she can hear is yelling and her heart pounding in her ears.

Her lip trembles and she shakes her head. "Please believe me. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I don't remember what I did." After hearing what she just did, her appetite is gone and so she just stares down at the pizza and then locks her eyes with Clarke. "Whatever I've done, I didn't mean it." She whispers and runs her fingers through her wet hair, pulling at it softly.

Despite her gentle words, they can't bring back the soldiers that she had killed while she wasn't herself. To the government, it doesn't matter if she can't remember what she did. She's still a lethal weapon and they will use her as such.

"I don't know why I don't remember. I'm hearing things and I don't understand what they say. I feel like I'm going insane. Have I gone crazy?"

Clarke finishes her pizza slice with her eyes on the girl in front of her. She watches as Lexa deny everything first, her cheeks turning into a light shade of pink as she tries to argue. The soldier stays quie though, chewing slowly, with a neutral face and her eyes on the girl the whole time.

She sees the moment Lexa starts to realize that Clarke isn’t lying. That her dreams are actually memories and that despite her doesn’t exactly remembering what happened, she knows she did it. Deep down, she knows it.

Lexa shifts to acceptance and then to guilt. And it’s a hard thing to see, even for someone like Clarke who’s seen a lot in her life. But at the girl’s question, the agent just shakes her head and finishes her beer.

“Look, I’m no historian or archeologist like you. I also try to not get involved with those alien bullshit that is happening for quite sometime now. For what I’ve read in your file, something happened in that tomb you went in and now there is…  _ Something _ inside you.” She sighs loudly and runs her fingers through her hair, pushing out of her face. “You probably know better than I about the magic totem thing, since you were there.”

 

Lexa listens to what Clarke says and even though it's just as hard to comprehend what Clarke is saying about some spirit inside of her, it's better than the option that she might have gone insane. She sets her jaw and grinds her teeth together as she tries to comprehend what this woman is telling her.

"That can't be right. The tomb I was in wasn't marked. I thought it might have belonged to one of the first ancient civilizations. There wasn't anything sinister about it." She focuses hard and feels her hands trembling but she isn't sure if it's from physical discomfort of just the task of trying to remember what she had done. "I- broke something." She mutters softly and looks at Clarke with her eyebrows furrowed. "A little statue. I picked it up and broke it but I don't remember anything else."

She shakes her head quickly and rest her face in her hands. "Now expect me to believe that I'm possessed by some... Ancient being?"

The stories were all over the news when the first superheroes had been discovered, but everyone knew that the government was mistrusting of them. They had too much power. That thought makes Lexa herself seen to shrink back slightly when she considers the situation she's in.

"If that's right then why am I here? Why doesn't the woman find a way to make me normal again and let me go?" She swallows hard and her green eyes gaze over at blue ones with worry and sadness.

She considers how she was strapped down and tested on for apparently a month. She remembers how they treat her like some sort of animal instead of a real human being and how they stripped her of everything she is so they can gather information. "I thought you were supposed to be the good guys."

Clarke opens her mouth to reply, but she shuts it with a click and shakes her head slightly, looking down to the pizza instead. She understands that it all might sound crazy and confusing to Lexa, but she can’t do much about it. She works with facts, and that’s it.

After a moment of silent, the agent clears her throat and wets her dried lips with the tip of her tongue before glancing up again.

“Like I said, I don’t know much about it. The theory part, I mean. I can’t explain to you what or how it happened. All I know is that somehow, you have something dangerous inside you that needs to be contained.” She says in a clipped tone; all business. Then she sighs and runs her hands over her face, rubbing at her eyes tiredly.

She then stands up, collecting everything and cleaning the table as best as she can before throwing the empty beer can in the trashcan. “I just got here today, Lexa,” Her voice is huskier and lower, showing how much she is exhausted. “I don’t like it either, if that makes things better,” She says as she finishes cleaning up and she stands close to where the girl is seated. 

 

“Honestly? I’m pretty sure they tried or are still trying to make you normal again. That’s probably why you’ve been kept here all this time. For all I know, they probably don’t know what the fuck happened to you either, or don’t even understand how the thing works. So.” She shrugs and grimaces, offering her hand for Lexa to take, pushing her up into her feet. “Let’s not jump into conclusions. I know this shit is confusing as fuck, but we have to be tactical.”

Lexa just nods her head gently, not really knowing what else she can do or say. She knows that it is very likely that in the morning she will be forced to face whatever these people want to continue to do to her, but for tonight she feels safe enough because she has Clarke sitting here with her and soft clothes and a warm bed. It's more than she's had in a long time.

She takes the woman's hand to accept the help to her feet and then walks with the blonde over to the bed near the bathroom that is marked off as hers. She crawls under the covers and leans back against the headboard in an exhausted way. She's so fucking tired both emotionally and physically but even when she sits down, she doesn't let go of her grip on the woman's arm.

"Clarke. Thank you." She knows that she was assigned to this soldier and that the blonde couldn't refuse her even if she wanted to, but the way Clarke acts is different from everyone else and she appreciates it. "Thank you for being kind and treating me like a person and answering my questions." She clarifies so the woman knows what she means and then let's out a deep breath.

 

Clarke nods once and slowly before glancing down to where Lexa is still gripping hard on her arm.

She wants to say that Lexa is still a person, despite what happened to her or how Waller and her minions has treated her. But Clarke hesitates for a moment as she sits down on the edge of the bed next to Lexa.

She doesn’t know what the protocol is in this situation and she has to consider everything for a second before carefully placing herself beside the woman, too tired to care.

Lexa’s eyebrows furrow into a frown when she notices the scars up close on the back of Clarke's neck and on her arms that her shirt isn’t covering.

Without even thinking she reaches her hand up and gently runs her fingers over the back of the blonde's neck. "Where did you get these?" She ask quietly because they still look fresh and she wonders if they hurt.

Clarke wasn’t expecting for Lexa to reach up and touch the tender skin of her neck, making her flinch for a moment and press her lips in a thin line as her shoulders tenses up.

“India,” She replies after a long pause and she knows she should pull away, but Lexa’s touch is light and curious.

She can’t say much about the mission because everything she does is pretty much classified. She doesn’t even remember a moment of her life when she isn’t tied to the government and its clauses.

“Bombing,” She explains without going into much details, and she finally turns her head to the side to look at Lexa – who seems just as tired as she feels.

Part of Lexa knows that she should pull away but she's been so deprived of gentle touches and affection that she doesn't. Instead she lightens her touches so they are hardly there and just brushes her fingertips over the more healed skin.

"That must have been really bad. I'm sorry." She goes quiet after that and pulls her hand back to run it through Clarke's hair which is still as damp as her own, feeling like it's too personal to continue to trace those scars that she doesn't know enough about.

Instead, to comfort herself she just plays with the tips of Clarke's hair and enjoys the moment of quiet between them where she can be next to someone again without fear.

"So you must have been all over the world, yeah?" She muses softly and watches Clarke's posture, realizing how the woman seems to be tense as though she's calculating every little movement the brunette is making.

Part of her wonders if this soldier is afraid of her too. Everyone else seems to be, and with good reason if she can do everything they expect she can. If she's killed all the people they say she has.

Clarke averts her eyes again, this time to look down at her own hands as rests her elbows on her thighs. She definitely wasn’t expecting Lexa to initiate physical contact, much less to  _ caress _ her like that, in a touch that is curious and in an almost intimate way – without a prompt. Just because she wants to.

She is still tense, though, because being touched isn’t something she is used to. Also because her  _ mission _ is the one touching her. And fuck, there is even a protocol for this kind of operation? She doesn’t think so. All of this procedure seems to be based on improvisation.

“Not much, actually.” She replies and purses her lips in thought.  “At 17 I got into the army, at 19 I was sent to Afghanistan because Taliban was just as strong as it was back in 9/11. It was a big deal back then in 2009 with Obama sending troops after troops there,” She recalls as she gets lost in her memory. She chuckles and shakes her head, “I was scared as fuck.” She confesses with a small smile on her lips that doesn’t reach her eyes. “I stayed there until the end of 2011. After the death of Osama, the president withdrew some of our troops and I was one of them.” She turns to Lexa at that, skipping the details again.

After a small pause, she gives a small shrug and looks back her hands – something she always does when she talks about her time in the military, to remember her that her hands are clean now – no blood; To remind her that she’s home. 

“After that I joined Quantico. Worked here in US soil until… I don’t know, February of last year, if I’m not mistaken, when I was sent to India to join their Special Task Force to fight in their civil war. After the bombing two weeks ago, I was told I’d be coming back to the US again.” She slips her tongue over her teeth for a moment as the memories of Sri Lanka burns in the back of her mind. Too recent.

With a flat chuckle, she shakes her head again. “I had just got home, actually, when they brought me here. That’s why I was still in my army uniform.”

Clarke purses her lips before releasing a long tired breath. She runs her fingers through her hair, pushing it from her face, and she glances at the silent girl again. “If I had to guess, I’d say you probably has traveled a lot more with your job.”

Lexa listens carefully what Clarke is saying and just keeps playing with the end of her blonde hair, not even really noticing what she's doing. Her eyebrows furrow into a frown because Clarke seems so young to have witnessed all the things that she must have seen.

"That's crazy." She breaths out and shakes her head. This woman sitting next to her seems to have been involved in some of the biggest operations of their time and she just swallows hard. Clarke must be bored as hell sitting here with the temporary job of being her babysitter and she almost wants to apologize.

Clarke's other words sink in and she just shakes her head slightly. "I've not been traveling that long. Maybe a year and a half?" Her eyebrows furrow as she concentrates and decides that yes, that's about right. "I have mostly been in South America and Africa because many first ancient civilizations had started there."

Clarke finally and clearly relaxes when the topic of the conversation changes, and she smiles in wonder as she listens to Lexa talking about her job and her experiences. Judging by the way her eyes brightens and her whole face enlightens, she knows that the girl loves what she does.

 

The brunette has a little spark of tired passion back in her voice and the hint of a tiny smile pulls at her lips when she considers the lovely people she's met and the things she's done while she's been abroad. It skips away quickly though when she realizes Clarke's experiences have all doubtlessly been very different.

Lexa parts her lips like she's going to say something else but when she gazes up at the woman she realizes she's still playing absently with her hair and she quickly pulls back.

"Oh. I'm sorry I'm just-" Her voice cuts off and she doesn't really know what to say. Lonely? Afraid? Wanting some comfort? The words on the tip of her tongue are pretty obvious but she doesn't say them. "I don't know. Sorry." She murmurs gently and looks back down at her lap, feeling embarrassed and stressed and alone.

Clarke looks at Lexa, then. Really looks at the girl with bags under her eyes and pale skin and bony structure. She sees it, the fear, the loneliness, the discomfort and the stress of being in an unknown place with armed strangers. If she was the one in her place, she would be rioting for sure.

But Lexa looks small, and tired, and lost. And she is just 23 with no siblings, no parents and no boyfriend or girlfriend.

Clarke sighs and presses her lips in a thin line before making the decision to hesitantly place her hand over Lexa’s, catching the girl’s attention. “It’s fine.” She says lowly. The she bores her eyes into the green ones and squeezes her hand. “What do you need?”

Lexa looks up instantly when she feels Clarke's hand on hers and she frowns just slightly in confusion before catching the way Clarke looks more gentle and almost protective. She lets out a visible sigh of relief at this.

She really takes a moment to consider what she needs because she doesn't even think that she knows for sure.

"Just..." She runs her fingers through her hair and tries to think clearly. "Just sit with me and promise that I'm gonna be okay now." The way that tired green eyes gaze into blue suggest that Lexa knows those words are a lie but she needs them in order to fool herself into being able to calm down.

"Just let me feel safe for a few minutes." Her throat feels tight and she decides that maybe part of the reason that she's so emotional is that she hasn't had real sleep in weeks, only her deep drug-induced coma.

So before she can regret it, she pulls the soldier just a little bit closer and gazes at her for a second before leaning into her shoulder hesitantly. She's afraid at first that Clarke might push her away or reach for the gun or something else, but the woman doesn't.

Her hands tremble and she knots them feebly in the bottom of Clarke's shirt, hoping that having something to cling onto will help her to seem less shaky. "I'm sorry." She whispers and wipes her eyes so that no tears fall. "I feel so afraid. I just need someone for minute."

 

When Clarke is tugged closer, she goes willingly, adjusting herself to rest her back against the headboard of the bed and to offer Lexa some sort of comfort after pulling the gun from her back and placing it over the nightstand.

With the girl’s body pressed against her side, Clarke stays quiet. She can feel the trembling hand gripping on her shirt and listen to Lexa’s edgy voice as she apologizes and explains herself; and the agent leans her head back, resting against the headboard before closing her tired eyes.

“You are safe.” She whispers after a long pause, and she carefully wraps an arm around Lexa’s back. She is still hesitant about the whole thing, especially because she is not one of touches and soft words, but she goes with it. “It’s fine to ask for comfort if you need it,” She says and rubs her thumb over the fabric of her shirt.

She can feel the exhaustion making her limbs feel heavier, and she knows she will probably fall asleep there if they don’t move or keep talking, so she clears her throat and blinks her eyes open slowly.

“Tell me about your trip to South America. I’ve heard it’s beautiful down there.” She requests in a quiet voice.

Lexa practically melts into Clarke's strong arms and she lets out a deep sigh, just relaxing and gripping tighter onto the woman.

Maybe if she were thinking clearer than she would realize that this is a bad idea and that's she shouldn't be making herself look this pathetic and weak already, but in the moment being hold on strong arms and soothed gently feels like the best thing in the fucking world.

She closes her eyes and Clarke's words break her trance and remind her that this is only temporary, only for a few minutes and then it will be over because Clarke is only doing this because her job tells her that she has to.

"It was wonderful. I was in Peru for six months in the ancient Inca ruins." She explains in a soft tired voice, her exhaustion seeming to wash over her now that she's getting the affection she needs to relax and let her adrenaline levels drop. "I explored some undiscovered places in the forest of Brazil with the team I was with and that was amazing."

The way she speaks reveals all the fond memories but she's too tired to go into much detail.

"I stayed in Chile for a few weeks as well but that was more just for fun. I didn't actually do a lot of work there." Her voice fades off slightly and she just leans against Clarke's neck, letting out soft steady breaths against the soldier's skin. She's trying to keep herself awake but it feels good and natural to do this so she just stops speaking and holds the woman's shoulder while she subconsciously nuzzles closer.

Clarke smiles, imagining the places the woman described and she nods slowly, closing her eyes again since she can’t seem to keep them open for too long.

“I’ve always wanted to go to Machu Picchu,” She says quietly, her voice raspy and full of sleepiness. Without thinking about it, she starts to move her fingertips over Lexa’s back in a light and absent caress.

“Judging by the pictures, it seems peaceful.” She continues after a pause, almost whispering now. By the way Lexa’s breathing evens out, the agent knows she is barely conscious.

She stops talking as well, her fingers gradually stopping moving as she drifts to sleep, her chest going up and down under Lexa’s head, although part of her is still alert and conscious – much like her nights during war; when one could never fully relax and sleep profoundly, no matter how tired one is.

This situation is no different, especially since the _ thing  _ could appear as soon as Lexa shifts into unconsciousness. But it’s not like Clarke would get some real rest even if she was in her crappy apartment. She left the war, but the war is still in her. 

 

The relief of being held and comforted and held is so instantaneous that as soon as Clarke stops speaking, Lexa's breathing begins to even out and she starts to drift between sleep and conscious.

Her head will start to lull downward, but every time she wakes slightly and readjust herself trying to get comfortable. Probably ten minutes go by in silence before Lexa lets out a deep sigh in her sleep and shifts around in the bed.

She wraps her arm around Clarke's waist and shifts around until her head finds a place to rest on the girl's chest where she can nuzzle up right under her chin. Once she's here, she doesn't move. Her head doesn't droop and her hands stop their trembling once they wrap around the hem of Clarke's shirt.

Her body goes slack and she slips away into sleep. This time though, she doesn't trip into whispering those words. She stays completely silent and sleeps through the night with her head resting on the soldier and both of them nestled in the edge of her bed.

She's so exhausted that even when dawn comes and passes, she remains asleep and resting herself on Clarke. It's not like they have light from the windows to wake them up, so she's more than content to catch up on her sleep for as long as she can.


End file.
